


where there is safety

by courageous_boss



Series: Comfortember 2020 (JATP) [3]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Comfort, Crying, Gen, Luke Patterson Needs a Hug (Julie and The Phantoms), Panic Attacks, Sensory Overload, Yelling, more like he needs to be left alone, touch sensitivity, undiagnosed Alex, undiagnosed Luke Patterson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:21:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27899011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/courageous_boss/pseuds/courageous_boss
Summary: Luke loses a prized possession (and Alex helps him cry over it).
Relationships: Alex & Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: Comfortember 2020 (JATP) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2006560
Comments: 10
Kudos: 100
Collections: Comfortember 2020





	1. how luke got his purple sweater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: luke has a panic attack (he becomes overstimulated and touch sensitive).
> 
> warning: alex describes some anxious thoughts.

Luke was generally a very tactile person. His mind tended to wander down long, spiralling paths, and having his boys under his fingers helped keep him grounded. Their shoulders and shins were great for tapping, and they didn’t seem to mind.

But sometimes, he’d have a day where his skin would get all sensitive and he wouldn’t be able to handle touching anyone. It was usually when he overworked himself, and it happened less as he grew up. He’d kept if from the boys, mostly because it was weird, but also because he didn’t have the right words to explain it to them.

And then, he’d had one of Those Days. The days where even a light breeze made his skin crawl and he’d honestly rather be in his bed, under his blankets where he’d be safe until his mood passed. 

But it was band practice and Reggie had written something and he’d been yammering on about it all week, all excited. Luke couldn’t blow him off. So, he’d gone to practice and huddled away in the corner, carefully holding his limbs close to himself.

“Luke, you okay?” Bobby asked, eyes worried in the way that was usually reserved for when Alex was having stage fright.

Luke nodded, a tight, forced smile on his face, “Yeah, dude. I’m good.”

Reggie started playing his song, something silly but nice. Luke kept his distance but began to think of ways to incorporate Reggie’s lyrics into an actual sing for their setlist.

Then, Bobby came up behind him and slung a heavy arm over his shoulder. This wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. They always leaned on one another, and Luke was the main instigator, so he didn’t usually have any complaints.

However, today, when Bobby’s arm came down on his bare shoulder, it sent a lacing heat against his skin.

Itching, itching, itching.

That was all it had taken.

Soon, he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. Just, too much too much too much. His mind floated away, leaving his trembling body behind.

Distantly, he knew that Bobby was holding him, voice panicked and worried, but everything was too blurry and fuzzy for Luke to process.

He tried shrugging away from Bobby, but his body was suddenly too heavy to move, and every thought took a thousand times longer than usual. He cried out, but he couldn’t hear his voice, just something deep and warbled, and the itching heat against his skin.

Then, after what felt like hours unfolding within seconds, Luke heard Alex’s voice break through his inner chaos.

“—Luke—”

Luke blinked, slow and heavy, vision clearing enough to see Alex on the other side of the room, as far away from Luke as he could get. Reggie and Bobby were no where to be seen, and Luke felt the tightness in his chest loosen.

“It’s just us, Luke. Bobby and Reggie are outside. No one is near you. You’re safe. You’re safe, I promise,” Alex promised.

Luke blinked at him again, chest rising and falling heavily. He could still feel the overwhelming ghost of Bobby touching him. He shuddered, crying out at the memory. It was too much. 

Alex stayed patient, saying, “Breathe, Luke. I need to you look around. Please. You’re safe.”

Saying, “No one’s going to touch you again, Luke. You’re safe, I promise.”

Saying, “You’re safe,” over and over again until Luke to managed to get his brain back into his head.

Could manage to look up, eyes misty, hands shaking, and see that he was. He was safe.

Then, Alex turned this deep, worried frown at him, and Luke started talking.

He talked about the itching crawling against his skin, he talked about how he didn’t know how to make it stop, and he talked about how stupid he felt for feeling like this in the first place.

He talked because it was Alex. Because Alex was safe. Because Alex made _him_ safe.

And, Alex nodded and hummed, too understanding and too nice.

Luke could feel his hands shaking, so he pressed them against his legs, “You don’t have to pretend it’s not weird. I know I’m a freak,”

Alex’s eyes went sad and soft, “Then we’re both freaks. I only knew how to help you because I get like this too.”

Luke swallowed, stiff and exhausted and wishing the walls would turn soft and let him rest against them. He was so tired.

Alex’s smile turned rueful, then, as he said, “Sometimes, the stress gets to me and I just can't remember how to talk. It feels like making myself speak is the scariest thing in the world, and that I’ve been doing it wrong all my life. Like if I did it again, everyone would leave me. It passes, though. I calm down and I realize that I’d made up this scary situation in my head. That I’m not going to be punished for talking. It’s like that for you with touching, right?”

It wasn’t. The fear that Alex was describing sounded more terrifying than anything Luke had ever imagined.

But maybe, it was close enough. It was enough for them to be strange together.

Luke swallowed again, tongue dry, “Something like that.”

Alex’s face smoothened, and Luke hadn’t realized how tense Alex was until he’d relaxed.

Luke stayed on his side of the room, far away from anything that could touch him while Alex talked him through come calming techniques. Luke listened, but mostly, he concentrated on the sound of Alex’s voice rather than the actual words.

The next day, Alex came to him, concern still strung through him.

“This is for you. If the touching thing gets bad, your vests probably aren’t helping. Maybe keep this for Those Days,” he said, handing Luke a neatly wrapped parcel.

Luke unwrapped the parcel, eyes growing wet at the dark, purple sweater inside.

It was the softest thing Luke had ever touched and he ran his thumb over the cloth in awe.

“Just promise not to take the sleeves off of this one. It was expensive!” Alex joked, though Luke could see how carefully he was trying to gauge his reaction.

Luke sprung forward, wrapping his friend in a hug, “Thank you, Alex. I’ll take care of it, I promise.”

And that had been that.

Luke still had Those Days from time to time. But he’d just pull on his sweater and everyone took note.

Alex obviously briefed Reggie and Bobby, because they panicked the first time he wore it, fretting over him and keeping their distance. Luke had been embarrassed at first, but Reggie and Bobby adapted quickly. Soon, it was almost normal. They’d just keep their hands off him and give him extra hugs when he showed up without the sweater again.

Even him mom and dad, without Alex to guide them, took note. Him mom never asked him if he wanted help removing the sleeves, and his dad never grabbed his shoulders when he was wearing it.

It was maybe the best gift that anyone had given him.


	2. how luke lost his purple sweater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: yelling during a panic attack.

Today was different.

Today was another day as a ghost. Another day with Julie. Another day with him and the boys living (sort of) in the garage. Another day where all the clothes that they owned were kept in a garbage bag in the corner.

So, when Luke rummaged through the bag, hunting for his purple sweater, he wasn’t that surprised to find that it wasn’t there.

However, he didn’t expect to feel so _angry_. Yet, hot, red anger started bubbling in his chest.

It just – it wasn’t fair.

He wanted his sweater back. And we wanted his mom and dad back. And he wanted stupid his collection of movie ticket stubs back. He wanted everything he’d lost back.

And… he wanted the creeping itchiness growing in his skin to go away.

Suddenly, the garage door flew open. Luke flinched, mind buzzing.

“Hi, Luke,” Julie smiled her sweet, sunny smile.

It was delayed, but Luke forced himself to smile back, tucking his hands behind himself to hide their shaking. Thankfully, Julie didn’t notice.

“I came up with some lyrics for that beat we were working on. It’s not all done yet, but I think it’ll work,” she said, busy, busy, busy as she went to get her keyboard set up.

Luke eyed the garbage bag again, spotting one of Reggie’s flannels. He pulled it out, rubbing his thumb over the material. It wasn’t soft like his sweater had been, and the cloth was rough and heavy, but the sleeves would cover all of his arms. It would have to do.

He pulled it on, buttoning the top button to shield his neck. Immediately, he felt his natural defences lowering.

Julie eyed him suspiciously when she saw him, but she didn’t comment. She just called him over to look at the lyrics.

Luke relaxed, standing just close enough to read to words. They were great, like Julie’s lyrics always were, and soon, he was calm and comfortable, humming the melody with her. 

Then, the air buzzed with something electric and Alex and Reggie poofed into the garage. They both noticed the flannel, but they didn’t say anything. Reggie just grinned, winking at him.

Luke let himself believe that it was okay. He was safe here with his friends, where no one would try to touch him or get too close.

The band took their instruments, falling into their routine. Luke carefully stayed to the side, and Reggie didn’t try to share his mic or dance with him, but they had fun in other ways. Alex grinned his all-knowing smile at him, and Reggie wiggled his eyebrows. It was good, knowing they were looking out for him. Warm.

Luke thought, not for the first time, that he wouldn’t mind never finding his Unfinished Business. An eternity spent like this, with the boys and Julie and their band, didn’t seem so bad to him.

Then, as soon as the thought crossed his mind, Julie tripped.

She stumbled, passing straight through Luke. His body phased around her, going translucent and warbled. And Luke. Luke felt a wave of fire wash over him. His body felt melted and misshapen – bent out of place and turned inside out and _wrong, wrong, wrong_.

“Get away!” he shouted, furious and scared and hurting. “Get away from me! Don’t touch me! Don’t’ touch me!”

Julie’s eyes were wide and frightened, “Luke—”

“Get away! Now! Now, now, now!” he yelled, poofing into the furthest corner of the room.

Tears were crawling down his cheeks. He felt sick, with his itching on his inside of him now. It was too much.

He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t feel himself. For a second, he couldn’t remember how to work his body and his back pressed against the wall. He tried shoved it away, to get his bearings, but his hands went though, unsolid and ghostly and wrong.

He screamed, burning more and more now.

“Get away from me!” he screamed, breaking into a sob, “ _Please!_ ”

He shut his eyes, screaming until his throat hurt (and wasn’t it great that that could still happen?).

Julie looked around, panicked, to find Alex and Reggie standing to the side of the room, wearing drawn, resigned looks.

“What’s going on?” she asked, jumping when Luke’s voice rose again, yelling at her to get away.

Alex whispered, just loud enough for her to hear, “You need to give him some space, Jules. You can come wait here with us, or you can wait outside.”

Reggie smiled sympathetically, “He’s not mad at you. Just give him some space to calm down.”

Luke yelled out again, knees giving out. He fell to the ground, arms wrapped tightly around himself, like he was afraid of spilling out onto the ground.

Julie, eyes wide and worried and confused, looked to the other boys, “I’ll wait outside. Come get me if you need anything, okay?”

She scampered out when Alex nodded, leaning on the garage door once she was outside. She cringed, hearing Luke’s voice, full of anger and frustration and hurt. Her eyes were filling with tears. She didn’t fight them, just pressed her hands to the garage door and willed Luke’s pain to leave him.

Inside, Reggie tugged on Alex’s sleeve, brows bent.

Careful to keep his voice low, Alex asked, “What?”

“I think the flannel’s making it worse,” Reggie said, wincing. 

They looked over, seeing Luke scratching at the sleeves.

Alex remembered the purple sweater he’d bought. He’d gone to three different stores, looking for something soft and light enough for Luke’s sensitive skin. Reggie’s flannel was nice but hadn’t been chosen with the same care.

Luke whimpered, something low and anguished, deep in his throat.

Alex steeled himself, approaching slowly, “Luke? Can you hear me?”

Luke didn’t respond, fingers busy against his sleeves, face washed with tears.

“Luke, it’s me. Alex. I’m going to help you take the flannel off. I’m not going to touch you, okay? We’ll just get it off and then I’ll leave you alone again,” Alex said.

Reggie watched on, shooting Alex an encouraging look.

Alex crouched besides Luke, unsurprised that Luke hadn’t seemed to notice him yet.

Gently, he reached out, pinching the edges of Reggie’ flannel and raising it from Luke’s shoulders. Luke shuddered, trying to move away. Alex worked around him, taking the flannel off as Luke squirmed. As soon as it was off, he poofed back over to Reggie.

Luke exhaled, face smoothening with relief with the flannel off.

Reggie grinned triumphantly at Alex, and the two boys settled down to wait.

Luke was still breathing heavily, twitching and rubbing at his arms and chest. But, after a few minutes, he started to calm. His eyes closed, and his breathing went slow.

Alex leaned over to whisper to Reggie, “I’m going to ask Julie for a blanket to put on the couch. You’re good staying with him?”

Reggie nodded, “Of course.”

Alex poofed out, heart clenching again when he saw Julie. She was crouched outside of the garage, tears running down her cheeks.

She sprung up when she saw Alex, instantly alert, “What’s going on? Is Luke okay?”

“Luke’s going to be fine,” Alex promised, wishing he could give her a hug.

Julie scrubbed at her cheeks, eyes lighting with her fierce determination, “What’s wrong, then? Was it something I did?”

“No, it’s not you. He gets this thing sometimes,” Alex explained. “He doesn’t want to be touched. You walked right through him and it set him off. Just give him some space to calm down.”

“Luke’s always touching you and Reggie, though,” Julie said.

Alex shrugged, “Usually it helps him to pay attention if he has someone close. It’s just sometimes he gets sensitive. He usually has a sweater he wears, so he’s comfortable and we know not to touch him.”

Julie wasn’t quite sure she understood, but she nodded, “Okay.”

“Do you have a soft blanket I can give him? Something smooth?” Alex asked.

Julie nodded, running off with Alex following behind her. Julie pulled out a bunch of blankets from her closet, letting Alex vet them. They collected four, with Alex taking them back to the garage.

Alex slowly approached Luke, speaking softly to him. Reggie took this as his cue to give them some privacy, poofing out to go check on Julie.

“Luke? It’s me, Alex.”

Luke’s breath was calm, his eyes staying close. At the sound of his voice, Alex could see him relaxing a bit more.

“I’m going to put a blanket on the couch for you to lie down,” Alex said, voice soft.

He waited until Luke nodded, some tiny action what he wouldn’t have noticed in any other situation.

“Do you want to pick which one? They’re all soft, I already checked,” Alex said.

It took Luke a few moments to process, but he raised a hand, letting Alex pass the cloth of each blanket under his fingers.

He raised two fingers, then, and Alex laid out the second blanket over the couch, tucking it tightly to ensure the rough, peeling leather wouldn’t touch Luke accidentally.

When he was finished, Luke collapsed onto the couch, trembling. He was tired and overwhelmed. Warm tears started falling, and he sniffled loudly.

“I tried to find the sweater,” he told Alex, who he knew would stay far away from him.

(Alex was always too good to them. He took such care with them, and Luke would never stop being amazed by him.)

Alex made a sad sound, imagining Luke rummaging through their garbage bag fruitlessly.

“It wasn’t there,” Luke said, voice wet and shaking.

“I’m so sorry, Luke,” Alex whispered.

“It’s not fair,” Luke said, pressing a hand to his aching chest. “It’s a dumb sweater. Why can't I just have that?”

“I don’t know,” Alex said, remembering the soft comfort of the sweater, remembering Luke’s awe of being taken care of.

Luke was right. It wasn’t fair that they’d lost so much. But it was their reality.

There were a few moments of silence, and then Luke was sitting up abruptly, “I yelled at Julie! Alex, I’m officially the worst member of this band.”

Alex was surprised that Luke could even remember what had happened.

He laughed shortly, “She understands. I’m sure she’ll forgive you if you apologize.”

Luke shot him a look, succeeding in looking like a grumpy puppy.

“In fact,” Alex added, a thought occurring, “She might be willing to take you shopping. Maybe you can get a new sweater.”

Luke’s face softened with a smile, and he settled back down against the couch.

“You think?” he asked.

Alex nodded, “Why not?”

“Will you come too?” Luke asked. “You’re great at picking.”

“Sure,” Alex shrugged, feeling pleased with himself and shy.

“Thanks,” Luke said, punctuating his sentence with a yawn.

Alex leaned against the wall, thankful that being a ghost made sleeping on the floor comfier. He listened as Luke’s breaths slowed to a constant rate and fell asleep to its sound.


End file.
